one time in 7th grade i was having unbearable intestinal pain like i could not move at all it hurt so bad so i went to the nurse and she sent me home and the second i got home i farted for legitimately 45 seconds and all of the pain disappeared
me and my brother were fighting and he grabs his phone and randomly calls a number and he says “is this the dog pound? because my sister is the biggest bitch”
where did noah keep his bees
IN THE ARK HIVES
Get the fuck away from me right now
Spiders eat their parents all the time and no one cares when they do it so what the fuck
did you eat your parents
How about you mind your own business
Glass headstonesImagine a graveyard full of these on a sunny day. It would be so beautiful.
I would position mine so that every day when the sun was in the right position it would set fire to the roof of someone I hated, thus achieving revenge from beyond the grave every single day.
There are two kinds of people
lost characters + john locke
do you ever just want to redecorate your bedroom and change your hair and all your clothes and completely reinvent yourself but then realise it takes time and money then retreat to your bed and hate who you are
won’t drink lukewarm water but i’ll put another person’s genitals in my mouth